Last year I shared so much of my story, and I know that more than just my mom and my sister (and my grandma too) read it. I shared the facts and a long with some thoughts and some feelings. This year, I'm going to not to repeat myself and share my story over again. I'm going to aim for some of more of my thoughts and my feelings. If you're thinking "What?! More feelings?! She has so many of them!" I think you're probably right. In fact, I know you are. But I promise I'll try to keep them to a minimum. Although, technically it's my blog so I can do what I want. Also technically, it's your eyes so you can decide what you read or don't read with them.
If you missed my story last year, you can catch read up on it here and here. To sum it up. I was born with Tricuspid Atresia and Atrial Septal Defect...meaning, I was born with out a right ventricle and a hole in the wall of my heart. Many surgeries later, here I am. 30 (and a half) years old and still living with CHD. Remember, there is no cure. But my life looks a lot different now than it did when I was first born and diagnosed. For one, I don't turn purple anymore! (Although I think that my students would find that incredibly entertaining if I did.) So, what does life look like for me as an adult with CHD? Does it effect my daily life? And how? Well, here are just a few of the things I do and I think about in my day to day:
- Trying not to let the shower get to steamy or it will be heart to breathe.
- Remembering to take my medication daily. (And try not to forget if I took it already or not!)
- Being careful not to walk around too much at work.
- Trying to save my energy for teaching.
- Remembering to bring a snack.
- Taking my time walking up flights of stairs
- Humid days are my worst enemy.
- Always being on the look out for blue lips.
- Keeping an eye out for heart palpitations.
- Trying not to over exert at the gym.
- Hills are not my friends. Take them slowly too.
- Sweating while eating. It's strange but sadly normal.
- Trying to cover my scars with clothing. (I've pretty much given up on that.)
- Putting myself to bed early. I'm not being lazy.
- Taking a cold or cough very seriously.
I'm sure that many people have to think about things like this, or do things like this. I know I'm not the only one in the world. At times, that brings me comfort; knowing I'm not the only 30 year old who has to check for blue lips, sweats when they eats, and takes her sweet time walking up hill. At other times, I feel lonely. I feel like people will stare, or think I'm lazy, or weak. You'd think after living with CHD for 30 years I'd stop caring what others people think of me but having a heart condition doesn't make me any less human.
What I have learned, is that I have to take it day by day. That there will be good days and there will be days when having half a heart will take the best of me. There will days when I wear my scars with pride and others where I wish they would fade away. And I've also learned, that in the day to day; no matter what the day looks or feels like; God is with me in each and every moment. God knows what my days will look like before they happen. God ordained all my days before I was even born. And in knowing all that, I know that I can face whatever the day brings me, what ever CHD brings my ways today, tomorrow, and in the days to come.
Happy Heart Month!
Love your insight Em!
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