Dear Little Emmy

Dear Little Emmy,

You work so hard to keep your hand to yourself but sometimes you forget to watch your mouth. Your stutter doesn't stop you but having to catch your breathe always does.  Yes, your sister is a better speller than you but she isn't a better artist. Your puppy really does love you as much as you love her.  Mommy and Daddy, they have to put you in time out and send you to your room a lot but they love you more than you'll ever know. They also buy you a lot of ice cream. You get tired a lot so you should really stop protesting nap time.  Yes, your potato clock is the best in Kindergarten science fair.  Your Uncle Ralph really is the best. Those bible stories your learning, the ones you and Yellie take turns reading every night, I hope you are paying attention, not just looking for words Yellie missed or messed up on.

In the future Emmy,  I want you to know that sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, but they always get better. You'll fight hard; with mommy with daddy, with Yellie, you'll hurt them and they'll hurt you but no one will ever love you like they do.  They always will.  You'll appreciate it one day.  I promise. You'll get the baby brother you've been wanting and as much as you think you're teaching him, he will teach you more than you can ever imagine.  You will come to admire him in endless ways. You'll always struggle with math but you'll find other subjects to be good at. You'll loose your temper a lot but you'll be surrounded by grace and mercy and every new day will be a second chance. You'll be worried and be anxious but you'll learn that fear isn't from the Lord and with His help you'll become brave and courageous.  People will disappoint you and hurt you, but there will be many who change your world for the better.

Emmy, sometimes you'll do the right thing and it will be the unpopular choice, but you'll shape your character that way.  Your family will grow and relationships will change but your family will always be the most important thing in your world. And your cousins will always be the best friends you'll ever have.  In fact, they still are. You'll fall in love and you'll get your heart broken.  It will be a pain like you've never felt before but, over time the ache will heal, your heart will mend and you'll make it through.  You'll seek God and at times feel like he's distant, but you'll learn that He's never left your side.  He'll reveal his plan to you as time goes on sometimes in advance, sometimes at it happens.  You'll learn God has a good sense of humor, but so do you.

Oh Little Emmy, what you will never lack is sass, and spice and determination.  You will value loyalty and honesty and truth.  Your heart "condition" will put you on a journey that not many have walked.  Many times you'll feel lonely and there will be many times you question God's purposes.  But, you will never stop believing. You will never stop hoping.  Not even for a second.  You'll remember the songs that daddy sings to you each night.  You'll remember the times Mommy prayed for you when she thought you were sleeping.  You'll remember that God loves you, that He died for you, and when you make that choice to serve Him; your life will never be the same.

You can do this little girl. You are smart.  You are brave.  You make it.  And most importantly, you are loved and you show love. Innocence may leave you, but Your God never will.

Loving you always, 
Bigger Emmy

So Long Summer

I've officially said goodbye to summer as my alarm continually goes off at 6:10 fives days a week. The night before the first day of school, I almost cried myself to sleep because this summer was so wonderful and I just didn't want it to be over.  I couldn't believe it was over.  It was that wonderful.

I started the summer with an amazing trip to Italy.  It was a whirlwind and it was exhausting but it was incredible.  It look me time to process that I even went there.  We took every mode of transportation and saw more tourist attractions that the all the Asian tour groups combined.

We boarded an airbus from JFK on Friday night. None of us slept at all on the 7 hour flight because of the screaming child sitting in front of us. When landed in Milan and waited in a very long line for customs. We boarded a bus to the train station and then got on a train to Florence. I sat with 3 old ladies who spoke to me in Italian and offered me some of the sandwiches they had in their purse.

In Florence we took a cab to the wrong hotel thanks to my Mom and then walked to the right one. Our first official meal in Italy (The sandwich at the train station didn't count.) was at delicious hole-in-the-wall restaurant followed by gelato. Touring Florence was a history lovers dream. Sights that were mostly all formally owned by the Medici family and an incredible view from amount 500 steps up above the city over looking Il Duomo.  The food was just as amazing as the history. My face light up when I saw Michelangelo's Il Davide because folks, dreams really do come true. And dreams come true in Florence. 

We took our lives into our hand when my dad drove us from Florence to Rome. Thankfully we survived. A quick pit stop in Assisi where we walked in circles (Thanks Rick Steves and your confusing directions) and saw some of the most beautiful views in all of Tuscany. Air B & B is awesome.  Our apartment in Rome was so cute and so perfect for 4 people. Touring the Colosseum was a "Check that off my bucket list" moment.  The moment when your walking around in a fog because you can't believe you are actually there!The Vatican was big and gold and beautiful and tall.  Those Italian are apparently not afraid of heights. Travestere was a happening place at night.  We walked there from our awesome apartment in the the former Jewish Ghetto. My sister had rabbit for dinner and my dad was asked to sign a political campaign because they thought he was Italian.  Clearly they didn't hear him saying "Hola!" to people...

The next day was back to the rails as well headed to Amalfi but stopped in Naples to have some pizza and see Mt. Vesuvius.  We also made "friends" with a taxi driver who was once (or is he still?) in the mob. The pizza was the best.  The Usher "Yeah" music video playing on the TV in the restaurant added to ambiance and the true Neapolitan experience. We got back on the the rails and rode to Sorrento and then this time rode the sea on a ferry to Amalfi. We waved to Sofia Loren's house along the way and took about a billion pictures because the view was indescribable. The beach in Amalfi was made of a million tiny rocks and my felt had never been happier. Famous for it's lemons and lemonciello, I thoroughly  enjoyed my lemon pesto spaghetti for lunch. Gelato was had after pretty much every meal.

The ferry ride, then the train ride took us to our overnight train to Venice.  Sleeper cars are cool.
Unfortunately, sleeper cars have thin walls because the lady next to us lost something around 4 in the morning and the whole darn train heard about it for hours. We arrived in Venice in time for the sunrise, and since we couldn't check into our hotel yet we decided to take in some of the sights. FYI, the sights aren't open in Venice at 7:00am. After we watched a crazy man chase the birds around St. Marks Square and wondered around randomly we found a cafe open to eat breakfast in. Then we hit the sights.  For real this time. I wonder how many people the Security Guards have had to wake up for falling asleep in St. Marks Cathedral.  I wonder this because I am one of them. After climbing the bell tower we finally were able to head back to our hotel for a shower and MUCH needed nap. After our naps and showers and dinner, we had the most expensive dessert I've ever had in my life.  Served on silver platter (literally) and with the most beautiful music as it got dark in St. Marks Square.Besides giving us a rocking sensation that lasted for days, Venice did not disappoint at any point in anyway. Gondola making, glass blowing,  gondola riding, shopping, bridge walking, and of course...eating.

The saddest day of the whole trip was the day we got on a million more trains and headed to the airport. There is something special about coming back into American as an American. But there was something sad about leaving Italy, the place of my people and some of the most amazing and surreal sights I've ever seen. Now, it's time to plan the next trip...

I got to spend a lot of time with family and friends and I got to take a trip to Haiti with my dad. (Another amazing bucket list experience!) Now, here I am, back to my perpetually exhausted self, trying to keep my head above water in the sea of students and IEPs.  And don't get me wrong, I love it and it's exciting and I enjoy (almost) every moment of it but I find myself frequently going through my phone and looking at my pictures from this summer.  I miss it.  I miss the people and the places and the 'I don't have anything to do but sit around' of it all.  So in the missing it, (and the trying to figure out when I can go back) I'm missing being in the moment. And that isn't good.  I need to work on that.  I don't want to constantly be thinking about what happened or what's going to happen.  I want to be here.  I want to enjoy the now.  I want what God has for me in this moment, not trying to look backwards or too far ahead. I've been praying for myself.  A lot. As I try to be in the moment and not be overwhelmed by it. And as I try not to say, "Remember the time I went to Italy..." too often...  

Arrivaderci.